ON THE BRINK AND BACK

I was standing on the brink,
All around the ground began to sink.
I just could not go any longer;
My arms were weak, my legs no stronger,
I reached out and said really loud,
If anyone cares, help me now.

I had no hope- my cares were many;
No one to love me-had only my enemy,
Who followed close behind and threatened
My very being,
I saw only bad visions-could not believe
What I was seeing.

From somewhere in the air,
I heard a faint, small voice-I care.
Looking up and looking down;
Not a soul-no one could be seen,
Yet deep inside where fear had been,
There was a peace that to me had been no kin.

I fell face down and asked who spoke to me,
Again the voice was small but sounded very strong,
Fear not, child, I’ll keep you from all wrong.
I Am, Jesus and I love you.
I’ll take away despair and give you peace and mercy,
To name just a few.

Stay with me and do not stray,
You’ll forever know all the right ways.
Never again feel all alone,
Because I’ll be with you---Always

Sandra Walker

6-25-2006

MY MOTHER

This is a poem I wrote for a dear friend of mine whose Mother has passed away. Of course, what's in this poem can/could be said about everyone's Mother. It could surely have been written for mine. Anyway, I hope it'll be enjoyed by many.

My mother was small and skin like a pearl,
Through hours of pain gave birth to a girl,
She held me close and cooed my name,
Her life would never be quite the same.
In early years she guided my life;
Days full of joy, very little strife,
Raised up with kind words and a Bible,
When things got dull, she sang a revival.
Teenage years brought days of tears;
Broken hearts and boyfriend fears,
Mother settled them with only a smile,
Then she’d say, “It’ll be ok in a while”
As I grew in age I knew her well,
I knew her advice was a clear as a bell,
I went my way but took all her advice,
I’ve applied to my own more than once or twice.
My mother is gone to her heavenly home;
My heart breaks but I know I’m not alone,
One day when Jesus decides to come back,
I’ll join the ones on that heavenly track.
When I pass through the gates of pure gold;
Again I’ll see friends from days of old,
In a great mansion sitting in her chair,
Softly singing and brushing her hair.
I’ll know at once that she is my mother;
I’ll know because it surely could be no other,
I’ll run and hug her and kiss on her hair,
I’ll know in my heart she’d been waiting for me there.

{written3/6/06}

Dystonia Revisited

Once again I'm terribly troubled by this disease known as dystonia. It hurts so bad at times that it just shuts my entire body down. I went to Augusta, Ga. V.A. hospital last week to get the botox shots. They help but oh how they hurt. I guess I got about 20 shots in my neck, back and front and at the base of my skull. You talking about somthing that hurts badly, let a doctor stick a needle into what feel like pure bone, I know it's not that but it sure 'nugh feels like it.

It has my so sore that I can barely touch it but I just go along, because I know that once I stop and give in to it that, that's all she wrote, boy. I sure am not ready for that yet. Anyway, if I give in to this pain, I'll miss out on all the hugs that are given me at church, afterall, Eastside Baptist is sure 'nugh a hugging, and very loving church.

Also, this pain feels like it's pulling the muscles and it gets tighter and tighter. It feels as if my neck is shrinking, don't laugh, it really feels that way. I ask my husband several times if my neck is getting shorter. I don't know for sure if he's tell me the truth if by chance, it was getting shorter. I cannot move my neck at all, not from side to side or up and down. I just thank God that I'm able to hold it in a front facing position.

I really have to endure this pain and if not for the Lord Jesus, I don't know how it would be possible. I've tried all kinds of prescribed medicines of all strengths and nothing helps. The pain just stays, I do believe it likes me, ha ha. I've even taken Morphine in doses that would floor a normal person and Oxycontin, that also did absolutely nothing, nil, zero, zilch. It's really a "pain" to try and ignore all this pain but that's what I have to do or else it will destroy my life. I just refuse to let that happen to me afterall, the good Lord promised me at least 120 years of life and I intend to see most of them.

To compound this pain of dystonia there is this pain of arthrithis that's set up around the base of my skull. It's so bad combined with the dystonia that it wakes me up at night. It's hard to sleep anyway because I've got to lay mostly on my back because it hurts my neck to lay on either side. I was always a left side sleeper too, but when this disease got so bad, those nights were over.

Oh well, that's all I;ve got to say now so I believe I'll stop. May as well, I can't dance, private joke. But, I'm closing with this , I'll not give up or give in. My faith and my trust is in the Lord Jesus and HE will won't give me a battle that He won't go through it with me and He always provides a way out. Anyway, I've won, Jesus already defeated this dystonia and now I'm just biding my time. Praise the Lord. And devil, you had just better not stick your head out from under my foot, I would just have to stomp you good.

A Poem To Make You Think

This was written years ago and I just ran across today. Lots of people have tried to explain it, but none as yet, has succeeded

Old Young Men

Sandy Walker(1986)

---------------------

At square round tables;

Sit old young men,

Who come to my house for cards and gin;

At square round tables,

These old young men;

Tell of heartaches they hope to mend,.

Mending unable, they talk about kin.

At square round tables,

These old young men.

A Poem of Purpose

When The Roll Is Called
{Sandra Walker-10/26/2004}

What will happen when the end does come,
Will I be waiting and ready,
Or will I really run?

When the sky splits in the East;
And the Lord calls out real loud,
When the roll is called up yonder,
Will I be there?

Will all I did in secret be told from mountain top?
Will everyone be able to hear and will I beg Him
Please, please stop!

When all around the saints go by;
In robes of purest white,
Will I stand trembling on the edge,
Unable to control my fright?

When it's all over and Hell is full;
When Heaven's gates open wide,
When the names of all are over with,
Will my name be written on high?

With Hell's fury burning bright;
The saints going to the other shore,
Is my name listed down in Hell,
Or on Heaven's Roll forevermore?

Family

What happens to a family when the one that held it together passes away? It seems that it just falls apart. Where once there were many people gathered around a dining table, now there are only a few. Once there was a lot of laughter and ballgames on tv, birthday parties and big dinners. Now there are nothing of the sort. No one visits any more. No one calls or writes. Where once there was a family with six siblings, now everyone is a solitary being, living only for themselves and the family they've raised for themselves. They have no time to even think about the siblings they've left behind.

There was a time when Sunday was the happiest, liviest day of the week. It meant that all the kids would be coming to Mama's house.I can see Mama now, sitting in her rocker in front of the television waiting for the Atlanta Braves to begin their game of the week. A little after one, her kids begin to come through the front door. Usually, some are there early, say eleven o'clock and some will stay for as long as seven or eight at night. No one minds though because there is so much love in the family that everybody could stay together forever and not mind it at all.

But, there always comes a time when all happiness ends, when something so great happens that everything falls apart. That's exactly what happened in October of 1996. The matriarch of our family had a stroke and went into a coma for about two weeks. All the siblings were there everyday keeping watch over the progress of their Mama. Finally Mama got better and came home. She had to be re-taught have to move, eat, and talk. She was bedridden but not unable to learn. There was talk that she'd never be anything but a vegetable but through a steady stream of talking and exercising her limbs, she began to talk and move her body. The movements came slowly but she did re-learn to talk and move her arms and legs.

Now, it's as though there is nothing between the siblings that were once so close and had such fun times. Now, no one visits or calls or anything else. The one that taught the movements to the Mama is treated as a total stranger with no connection with her siblings. How does this happen?

One has to take it upon themself to try and patch the gap that has developed over the years. It is a long, tedious journey trying to reach people you love but cannot converse with or see. You try everything you know and pray that they will come again into your life. A life that was once so full of laughter and joy and now is just a life of longing. Longing to see the faces of the ones that used to come sometimes 2-3 times a week and called often, who now are as silent as death itself.
It's a hard thing to do to try and talk with people that just really couldn't care less, but praise God, success comes!!!! It was time consuming thinking of ways to get some action going. Once started though, it began the snowball effect. Now there is a little communication between the one left behind and one of her siblings. She did get one email from another one but that was it. The one she's talking to now is very faithful at sending emails, at least 1 a day, some times more. She'll also send pictures of herself and her granddaughters to the sister that was forgotten. They talk about things from long ago and reminisce about all kinds of things. It's as though they've never been separated.
There is visits to another sister, she also was discarded by the siblings but for a different reason altogether. Funny thing though, this sister was forgiven quite a long while before the other, by one of the siblings at least. It's an odd feeling having a family but never seeing them, or visiting together or doing any of the things that families do.

But like I said earlier,the forgotten sister has one of her siblings emailing her, so, where there is a little headway made, there is room for a great deal more. Strong faith can move mountains and hope is never far behind. Those that wait patiently and keep on trusting the Lord Jesus will be rewarded. I think part of this sister's reward has been contained in an email from her sibling.

That sister has made this sister very, very happy. Thank you Lord Jesus!!..................

A Poem I Wrote

I'm going to post a poem I wrote and hope it will be understood by everyone. I really love writing poetry and short stories and thought I post one or two and see what happens.

Night of the Harvest
Sandra Walker {7/22/2004}

I saw the face of Jesus last night;
Oh, my goodness, He's a beautiful sight,
He was dressed in robe of white,
And it flowed so long,
Off to the side, angels sang a sweet song.

I knew not what the words they sang;
But, the tune was one that in me shall remain,
I knew it well, but could not recall,
But I've heard it once in my church's hall.

All at once Jesus stood up from His seat;
He looked me over from my head to my feet,
I thought I'd surely melt away,
His eyes were afire and seemed to blaze.

Jesus took my hand into His own;
He led to to The Great White Throne,
He looked afar and then I knew,
It was time for harvest,
All around us, angels flew.

He gently embraced me against His chest;
He said come in, you've done your best,
I've got to make ready for my other guests.
I'm glad.with Him I had this private time
He knew I'd be lost in that great coming line.

I looked down and saw angels harvest the land;
Jesus was smiling as He held to my hand,
The saved ones shall see this Jesus of mine,
Then, at once, my person had a radiant shine.

Again, I looked and aglow, I was;
My light did shine as bright as any light bulb,
Together, we watched as the souls came home,
Then again,we, with the angels sang that sweet song.

This came to me one afternoon about four o'clock and I wrote it in about ten minutes. I entered it into a contest at a Christian website but, alas, I didn't win first place. I had to write it though, it was burning inside and had to get out.